I know that young people, especially, often complain that there’s not enough to do around Oxted. That’s probably not really Oxted’s fault. I reckon that young people have always complained that there is not enough to do. I certainly did when I was a teenager. I vividly remember being bored out of my mind. My parents used to respond with endless helpful suggestions: I could clean up my bedroom (ugh); I could help in the garden (come on ); I could nip down to the shops (what?); I could do some home-work (shut up). It was no good. Nothing has the appeal of doing nothing at all. And almost the best bit is complaining about it.

But have you Googled “Oxted Surrey” recently:? If you do, you will be confronted by 224,000 references to this small town. I only looked at the first ten on the list and the impression is of hyper-abundant activity. Check out, for example, Everything at Oxted, which - rather immodestly perhaps – greets the visitor with these words: “Welcome to Everything at Oxted, the web site for Oxted, Surrey, centre of the universe”.

Centre of the Universe? Before you dismiss this claim as a wild over-statement, just consider this, for a moment, in an existential context. Surely, there is a case to made that wherever we live is the centre of the universe? In fact, if where we live is not the centre of the universe, then where is? I nearly said “where on Earth is it”, but realised that, to some critically, or astrophysically, minded readers, that might beg all sorts of unwanted correspondence. Let us stick to Oxted as the centre of the entire universe.

And, judging by the vast panoply of activities (admittedly all of them human, rather than alien) on offer in Oxted, it certainly has some claim to being at least a very good place to live. There’s just so much on offer: Arts events, charity events; opportunities to volunteer; to pray, to drink, to eat, to walk. And the sports societies! Hockey, cricket, rugby, tennis, soccer, pram racing. There are opportunities to sing; to help the developing world; to complain; to report pot-holes; to take to the boards; to learn about history; to get involved in politics (who would want to do that?); to care for others and, well, just show off.

But there’s also nothing to do. Which is great for people who want to do nothing. I’m happy with that. The centre of the universe should offer that choice too.